In fact, nobody owes you anything

In a time when public and private spaces are suffocated by panic and anxiety, abuse can often go unnoticed. And no abuse has been more obvious in recent weeks than the abuse of others …

Thousands of articles, videos, memories from the closet, conferences with people you do not know and calls to childhood friends. Fragile theories, soaked in fear, unsolicited recommendations, invitations to prayer and shouting dumb towards digital nothingness.

That’s how socializing online and offline has been in the last two weeks of isolation. People huddled on a hedonistic pedestal (populated with pictures of vacations and cocktails from expensive terraces) suddenly woke up in the clothes they were wearing when their personality wasn’t built in a glass globe.

Little and a little empty, these people want the same thing from you: time. Time to listen to them, time to read their theories and validate their unlocked links from who knows what corner of the Internet. And with each new desire, their emptiness is attracting more and more people around them.

And I mean, I don’t want to look too morose or ungrateful. I managed to talk more with people I love, but whom I see less often than I would like (right now I have finished a video call with a very dear person from my hometown and still today I will be staying with the best ones friends). But at the same time, I managed to see how the castle of books collapsed beneath the bottom of many.

People who ignored the advice of others about isolation, only bet on their own arrogance and now ask for help in the most non-articulated way possible. And you know what the problem is? No one really wants to offer it, despite the calls for solidarity …

You see, there is a job I was saying here two months ago, at the death of Cristina ineopescu. Back then I was accused of being too cold. The point would be that no one is really forced to invest emotionally in you – especially if you haven’t created a bond that goes beyond a simple word exchange.

When the television star died, two things happened. The first was that it was seen again how little we understand depression and how this concept of Romanian mentality, anchored in toxic stubbornness and mysticism, is affected. No, Cristina Țopescu wasn’t just “sad” …

The second thing was that we saw how little we understand the online environment and people in general. Why? Because there were dozens of voices blaming Cristina’s virtual friends for doing nothing, gentlemen! They didn’t ask her daily what she was doing, they didn’t visit her to see that she was okay! Bastards!

Really? They didn’t do anything? As I said in the previous article: I spent almost two months in the hospital and a few more in isolation. Do you know how many online friends have asked themselves “why is this asshole missing?” Some snacks, most office colleagues (who already knew where they are) and about 3-4 more special people. We talk about 2% of friends on Facebook and a small percentage of the total, if I gather thousands of little men on Twitter, Pinterest, by phone and other places. Do you think I was hurt? In some cases, yes, but generally not, even when a man I had known for a long time asked me after months of absence if I was offline last week …

Why? Because, as hundreds of Stoics said before me: nobody owes you anything. And now, in a time when we all gather our resources, count our friends and exercise our patience, this is fantastic obviously. Solidarity is also an exchange, a mutually advantageous one … not a parasitic relationship in which you project your fears and anxiety, otherwise normal, on those around you.

People do not go online to be amateur psychologists. It is something I have achieved and when I had to be one, for a short time. People enter the net to escape an increasingly confusing reality, to see pictures from childhood, to read bad jokes and to entertain cats wearing protective masks.

We all have reasons for sadness and depression, not just YOU. Yes, you, the guy or girl who until recently made fun of mental illnesses and who now climbs the walls and screams at those who “don’t care about the crisis”. It is not the pandemic that makes you behave that way, but the lack of the porcelain mask you used to wear.

What is it, did you feel depressed that you could no longer take pictures with your perfect family and that you are now forced to even live with her in the house? Here’s another thing: family is not a safety net when you get bored, family IS at home! If only work and going out with boys / girls kept you standing, then you have a problem. That didn’t make you happy when you saw that 3 year old mucus on the doorstep …

In fact, it’s really crap for everyone now, and people with children are more affected than the rest. But I really don’t have to see jokes every day about how ‘that little one drives you crazy’. Take advantage of this time, that in ten a

we disappear and only you remain with the selfie archive.

Let me repeat: the people around you are not a place for your emotional outlets. The people around them owe a great deal to their parents and friends and to those who helped them become better. The people around do not owe anything to individuals who one day send pictures of puppies, and in the second turn you into their only savior. It’s okay to have friends online because they give you a sense of community and belonging. But it is not right to consider that a Like is an obligation.

At one time that quote from Marilyn Monroe was circulating on the net: “If you do not love me in the worst moments, then you do not deserve me in the best.” Aham. Going by the fact that it comes from a queen of aesthetic operations, described by many as an emotional pitfall (and no, I do not deny her qualities or status as a symbol) there is a big problem with that quote. That is, many people instantly reach the “worst times” of the first turn of change. Their good times are those in which they claim to be something else.

The emotional response is absolutely normal, as is anxiety. What is not normal is to turn your acquaintance into a target because you do not feel good about yourself.

Yes, after this crisis a lot will change, but I doubt people will be among them. That is why, after 2020 will be a long time ago, a simple collection of jokes with toilet paper and Mona spirit, maybe we will think and build real relationships, not just fan bases.

P.S: I know this article is a bit bitter, but remember that we are not at the end of the crisis, but in its prelude. The image was taken for free from Pexels.

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