The oak trees do not grow in the marshes. The path of young people to independence
I’m going to do everything my son (daughter) does not lack anything.Every responsible parent that I meet
This is probably the dream of any parent. A noble and motivating dream, but very difficult to realize in a world full of possibilities but empty of landmarks. A dream that risks becoming a fatal trap. I dare even say that this statement is not at all noble, but quite toxic to both parents and children.
I am invited almost weekly to take financial education courses in schools and high schools. Thus I have the opportunity to meet over 2,000 children and young people every year. I notice that “nothing is missing” can take strange and rarely good forms.
A race without winners
Many times I meet children or adolescents desperate to have the latest model … And parents who sacrifice their time, energy and sometimes even the relationship to fulfill their wishes. They are all trapped in this crazy race where there are no winners. Every day a new gadget, style, brand, trend appears … The perverse effect is that the objects get to increase the human distance and fill them with envy and frustration. Satisfaction comes hard and takes too little. Gratitude and gratitude are painfully replaced by “I deserve it” and “because I deserve it.”
Don’t do it all!
First of all, what does it mean to do everything? 12 to 14 hours a day at the office and heart attack at 45? Leaving the country for work abroad and seeing the children at Christmas? Loans in the chain and suffocating debts? Whatever you do, there is more room, but that does not mean better, on the contrary.
The solution is obviously the balance. First of all, our education and organization as parents. A personal budget to help us properly manage what we have right now.A personal budget is available on this website, so you can take a look over other articles and all the free stuff that I offer.
You will understand how many “financial feet” you stand on and how solid they are. You will identify the holes in this site where you run out of cash. It is a good pretext for an open and serious discussion of priorities and a valuable realism exercise for the future adult.
He really needs to miss it!
There is a paradox of successful parents who have forgotten that their achievements are often due to the need to overcome certain shortcomings, to be determined, motivated and energetic. I have a word that I say to the parents: “The oak trees do not grow in the swamp”. The more we try to smooth their way, eliminate obstacles or challenges, the more we will handicap our children alone. In the softer and more fertile soil, however, they do not grow, except the reed and willow, thin and easy to bend and break. There is a need for a solid foundation in which young people can boldly root their roots and support their ascension.
I do not want my girls to graze the sheep as I did until I was 18, studying for Bach and college on the field. However, I believe that my parenting duty is to break the pink bubble of my children from time to time so that fresh air and new colors can penetrate, even if sometimes darker. An artist who was passionate about art once said to me, “Do you know what a shadowless painting is? A white cloth. “
I want my gift for my girls to be love, education and balance. iPhone can buy and alone, I am convinced. Ah, they already did, at 11
Set expectations early
At the age of 10 we started to tell our girls that after 18 years they are adults and they have to be on their feet. Of course, we will be with them as a discreet safety net. But I would not want this net to become a hammock from which it no longer wants to take off.
I look for opportunities for them to earn their own money by doing various tasks at home or at the company. They found the idea of engaging in holidays from the age of 16 very interesting. All these experiences give them confidence, responsibility and verticality. In this way, independence is no longer something unknown and to be feared, but a challenging and expected goal.
Fail forward fast
I believe, honestly, that valuable lessons come from tears and tears and less from medals and diplomas. So I think it is important for young people to take the immunizing dose of mistakes right from their parents’ nest. The child will get to know each other and get better. Many times I stood aside biting my lips and letting my girls know their limits. I just told them: “Look for solutions!” And soon they got their little personal victory, in fact a new brick at the foundation of a stronger and more balanced character.
As long as there are no fatal or irreversible mistakes, the parent must be a facilitator of experiences. Remove the child from his comfort zone, test the limits from time to time. Remember when you were a kid and you wanted to make a bow out of a branch. Test your knee to see if it is pliable and elastic. Because only that fiber can send the arrow far and up.
When it comes to independence, the financial side is vital. A man is not truly free unless he can support his needs and desires alone. If it cannot capitalize on its qualities and cannot calibrate its priorities. And this is not learned in school or on the night of the wedding.
Education and exercise
From 4-5 years the child must be taught how to manage his own money on 3 envelopes (or jars, or little pigs): 50% big dreams – savings to develop his long-term perspective and patience, 40% small expenses – experience of short-term decisions and 10% good deeds – the exercise of generosity.
Between 15 and 20 years old I recommend moving to a more complex system, with more choices and decisions. I propose, therefore, that the young man should receive and manage all his spending budget alone and divide it into 6 categories: 10% education – a major priority and a habit of useful growth in the future (books, courses, projects …), 10% savings – safety and stability, 10% large purchases – technology, etc., 50% expenses (clothes, accessories, personal care), 10% free time (I know, just that!) And 10% donations.
These categories are not about money! They are bricks of personality, from the focus on personal growth and development, to the need for safety, to planning and vision, daily decisions and limits, fun and altruism.
Think about how many learning opportunities this system brings. What perspective and experience has a young man who has managed his money for years alone and is now ready for his first job! What maturity and depth of thought he has! What a barrage of trials and victories he has gathered!
I heard you could teach your child to swim by throwing it in deep water. I guess it depends on how many children you have and how much you hold on to them. I prefer the variant of the swimming lessons.
You can have everything! But not all of a sudden.
I am often invited to give courses to employees in companies. HR has finally realized that no matter how much money you give to a financially disorganized employee, it is never enough. One of the major mistakes encountered by young learners is the illusion of abundance caused by the shift from the parents’ allowance of 10 lei per day, to the sandwich, to the faculty, to the salary of 3,000 lei. It’s 10 times more! And then you have the impression that you can EVERYTHING!
Without experience and financial education, they simultaneously want to rent or rent Bitcoin, drive a new car, see Barcelona, Untold, coffee (with siren) and big phone (with apple). And then life doesn’t agree. Reality comes back as a boomerang, either bringing them back to their parents’ homes, or stressed out and trapped in rates, leases and credit cards.
So Slow The F..k Down! (the Fast spending… the Fast entertaining… the Fast loving…)
Financial education is about life, not about money. David Mead
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