What if all I want is a small, simple, slow life? If I am happy in the “between” things? Where peace lives. What if I am mediocre and choose to live in peace with this idea?
The world is a very noisy place. Lots of noisy and commanding voices that preach to me to hurry, build, improve, tend towards more, to earn, to obtain, to acquire, to complete and to take as much as possible. For the better, the bigger. It sacrifices time for productivity. It strives for excellence. Become someone or go home. Make it so that you have an impact on the world. Make your life count.
What if I’m not made for it? If all this running for excellence leaves me sad, exhausted and devoid of fog? Exhausted with joy. Aren’t I enough?
If, when I grow up, I’m not going to do anything extraordinary – other than being a mother and a sister and a wife? But the people in my primary circle of close people know that they are loved and that I would choose them again if I should do so. Can that be enough?
What if I don’t build an orphanage in Africa, but I send food nets to people here and there and support a few children through scholarships? And if I give the world only these small gifts I have and let that be enough?
What if I don’t write a cookbook or build a profitable business in six zeros or don’t speak in front of thousands? But do I write because I have something to say and I invest in a small community of women I love and I encourage them to love and take better care of themselves? Bigger is not always better and the person matters. That’s enough.
What if I accept this mediocre body of mine that is neither big nor small? Just between. What if I embrace the fact that I have no desire to work for a stone abdomen or 18% body fat? And if I make peace with it and decide that when I am on the deathbed I will never regret that I was myself? Take me as I am or leave me.
And if I am a mediocre housewife who rarely wipes the dust and mostly just keeps order and does the real food, but who sometimes buys pizza and is horrified, sometimes by the unspeakable mess that is in certain areas of her house? He likes to plan menus and make budgets, but who then violates his own rules and opposes rigidity. He does not care about decorations and extravagant things, whose house is humble but secure.
What if I’m not tailored to the frenetic pace of this society and can’t even begin to keep up? And I see many others with so much energy that seems endless, but I know I need a lot of solitude and calm, plenty of rest and countless unplanned moments to be healthy. Healthy to body, spirit, soul. Am I good enough?
What if I am too religious for some and not spiritual enough for others? Non-evangelist. Not brave enough. And yet, willing to share, in peaceful ways, in authentic relationships, my deeply rooted faith. As well as my doubts and uncertainties. That will have to be enough.
And if I have been married for 21 years and I love my husband more now than yesterday, but I have never had a love like in stories and I have violated all the rules of the marital “experts” regarding how many activities we should do together or how many things we have to have it in common. Because we don’t have it. And we like to spend time together, but also separately. Is our marriage good enough?
And if I am a mother who likes her children but needs time for herself and sometimes she just wants to be in the first place and who does not like to play, she embraces her children and speaks and supports them in her passions their? A mediocre mother who can never live up to her expectations of what it means to be good enough, what about your expectations?
What if I push my limits and stop running against them? And if I make peace with who I am and what I need and I respect your right to do the same. To accept that all I want is a small, simple, slow life. A mediocre life. A beautiful, quiet, gentle life.
I think that’s enough.